CLIMATE CHANGE CAUSES A LEVEL RESULTS TO BLOSSOM 5 MONTHS EARLY




"I got straight A's!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


"Shit, it's freezing out here"

THE PORTRAIT OF JACK TWEED




"When I look into this mirror I see a really shit drawing of Jade's ghost"

TWEED: I WASN'T BEING DISRESPECTFUL



"When I thought about brave Jade, I was awash with grief...so I thought I'd have a wash in this handy hot tub"

NOT AWIGHT



Barrymore's latest comeback attempt sinks like a Lubbock.

WHY THE BLANK FACE?



Are you staring at me?

GEORGE MICHAEL ASKS FANS TO HELP HIM DO A POO ON TWITTER



Come on! I'm sure together we can all get this to number two!

SPECIAL PHIL


CONNERY: I DON'T LIKE THE CHARLIE SHEEN THESE DAYS



"I haven't taken cocaine in years"

CONVICTED PAEDOPHILE APOLOGISES FOR 'GIGANTIC ERROR OF JUDGEMENT' IN LENDING FERGIE £15,000



"This is deeply embarrassing...What was I thinking?"

DARK BEIGE RADIO: PODCAST 26 - DO ME A FAVOUR, LOVE



On International Women's Day, a load of prehistoric banter

THAT'S IT - I'M RETIRING


I'm a special performer


By Phil Collins

Don't even try to stop me. It's too late. I'm retiring. I'm just too old to matter anymore.

What's that you say?

"Please Phil, don't go - we still need you. We love you"?

Oh, you were just coughing.

Fuck you.

I'm off. This is it.

Bye then.

I'm off.

See you later.

I'm retiring.

THE SHEEN EFFECT: SALES OF F18'S SOAR



Everyone wants to be one, bro